Happy Birthday, Zoe!!!

10 years ago today I took on the most all consuming, scary and painful job I have ever had.

10 years ago today, I became a mom.

Zoe entered this world with a bang.  Or rather it was the total silence of her entrance that was so disturbing.  Grey and lifeless with a cord wrapped around her neck multiple times, Zoe unwillingly entered this world.  It had been three long days of attempting to be induced.  Attempting to get this baby out.  Attempting to push an unwilling Zoe in to this world.

And suddenly.

Silently.

Here she is.

And here we are- 10 years later.

As I listen to the gurgle of the oxygen machine in this hospital room I can not help but think of all the days we have spent at this hospital.  And a few other hospitals.  I sit with these thoughts for a moment, but only briefly.

Mostly I think of all the other days Zoe has been a part of our lives.

I think of how silently Zoe entered this world.

How quietly.

How meekly.

And then I think of my Zoe- vibrant, full of life, rarely ever silent.  Yes, Zoe is non-verbal but she is not silent any more.

Her grunts and squawks are constant.

Her movement is constant.

Her curiosity is constant.

Her life is constant.

And if you have a child like Zoe you sometimes wonder how long this life might go on.

How long can she last?

How long can we last living this vibrant, scary, wonderful life?

None of us ever know how long.  And so doctors can make their guesses.  We can make our guesses. But in the end we only have this moment.

And in our case, we have had 10 years of these moments.

When I saw the lifeless and silent baby in that hospital room 10 years ago I did not think we would get so many moments.

10 years worth of moments.

A lifetime of Zoe.