Waiting to be Sprung

Today we are supposed to be at a cottage right next to a lake.
Today we should be playing in the sand and worrying about sunburn.
Today we should be swimming in the water (probably chilly despite this warm summer).
Today Zoe should be pulling on her new wetsuit that will keep her warm in the water.
Today Ailsa should be running in and out of the water and swimming on her own.
Today Willow should be crawling in and out of the water and definitely not swimming on her own.
Today all three girls should build a sand castle as we make sure Zoe doesn't put too much sand in her mouth.
Today we should be outside.
Today we should be on holiday.
Today we should be getting a break from the hospital.

Instead, I am packing up Willow and Ailsa to drive in to the hospital to see their sister.
Today we are discussing Zoe's current health situation with doctors.
Today we are worrying about what this all means.
Today is Zoe's fifth hospital stay since June 8th.
Today Zoe is uncomfortable.
Today Zoe is in pain.
Today I will hold Zoe as she bucks her body in pain.
Today I will comfort Zoe as much as I can.
Today I will comfort Ailsa as much as I can.
Today I will comfort Willow as much as I can.
Today my heart will break again and again.

As this day dawns we are hopeful that Zoe will be discharged from the hospital later this afternoon.
We feel like Zoe is a prisoner waiting to be sprung.
All of her doctors agree that Zoe needs a break from the hospital.
A break from the city.
A break from the pain.
A break.

But first we have to make sure Zoe is safe enough to travel the short driving distance of 90 minutes.
I hold my breath, awaiting their decision but doubting it with my heart.

Please- just give Zoe a break.

Zoe will have pain even while we are away but we hope that the sunshine and nature will help distract her from some of that pain.

Please- just give us all a break.

We need good summer memories.
We need to look back on this summer and remember something other then the fact that Zoe almost died twice.
We need to look back and have happy memories away from the hospital.
We need to look back and have any memories away from the hospital.

We just need a break.