Another Saturday Night

Just another day in caring for Zoe.

She only had one small pee today. Which means force feeding her. Which I hate. And Zoe has always hated but can now sign "angry" to make sure I know she hates it.

And just another bath.

Where Zoe tips her face back into the water in an attempt to drown herself. She sucks the water into her lungs. I sit her up while she chokes. But after a few seconds she takes a breath.

And I wonder.

How many more baths like this?

How many more times do I have to bend over and give her body total support just to get her clean?

How many more times is she going to choke herself?

And I already know the answer to that- too many to count.....as many as it takes....and it doesn't really matter how many since I will always be here with her.

As I scrub her scalp medicated shampoo into her head Zoe accidentally knocks her turtle toy so the neck makes the cracking sound she loves. I see a tiny smile start and a small chuckle, "Heh heh heh."

And I think two thoughts simultaneously:

"This kid is going to kill me."

And

"My god she is gorgeous."

I ask Zoe, "Are you breaking necks?" (This is a game we play with her cracking turtle). Zoe throws her head back in a full grin and looks at me expectantly.

And I think, "How did I get so lucky?"